Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Lacing up my runners to raise money for an incredible organization


For those of you who know me, you’ll know that two years ago I ran my first – and only – half marathon.

Running it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. And I’ve birthed two kids, and I can still say that running a half marathon was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Mind you, my finishing time of 2 hours and 31 minutes was a full 2 hours and 24 minutes longer than it took to birth my daughter!

I was on an adrenaline high when I finished the race, and that high lasted for weeks and weeks. That high led to me wanting to run another half marathon but as winter turned to spring last year, I lacked the motivation to start training again. After all, it’s not only the 2 and a half hours of race running that’s the killer – it’s the months and months of putting in the mileage beforehand.

So I must be crazy when I say I’m training to do it again.

But this time, I’m motivated to run the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront half-marathon to raise money for an incredible organization here in Toronto. Fred Victor.

Fred Victor has been helping homeless and low-income people in Toronto for the last 120 years. Every day, more than 1,000 people use their programs and services and every person who comes through their doors is experiencing poverty or homelessness.

So why am I running for Fred Victor? Because their much-needed programs and services help people rebuild their lives. And because the issue of homelessness suffers from stereotypes and prejudices. The reality is that there is no such thing as a ‘typical’ homeless person. Very few people choose to be homeless and it can happen to anyone – sadly, in a city as expensive as Toronto, it can happen faster than many of us care to think about or admit. For some, their descent into poverty is swift, with the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, a family break-up, substance abuse or the onset of mental illness. For others, poverty comes from escaping a violent situation or being kicked out for coming out.

Most homeless people don’t actually live on the streets, but in emergency shelters or on the couches of friends and family. Regardless of how they get there, Fred Victor is a place where everyone is respected and accepted. Fred Victor offers affordable housing units, emergency shelters, food access, job training, health information and support services.

These services are essential because not everyone is lucky enough to have a family that loves, supports and accepts them, as I have always had. And not everyone can easily pick up the pieces if they lose their job, as I once had to do.

On October 19, I’ll be lacing up my runners and running 21.1 kilometres through the streets of Toronto to raise money for Fred Victor. Please visit my fundraising page tosupport me – all money raised greatly benefits everyone in the Fred Victor community.

Learn more about FredVictor.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The last 8 months with my partner in crime

It’s been 8 months since I last wrote on this blog. And 8 months since Alexandra quit going to Montessori School and started coming home every day at 11:30 after Kindergarten. And to quote what I wrote then:

It means that for 8 months, I'll have to go back to working many evenings. It means that for 8 months, arranging meetings with clients will require creativity. It means that for 8 months, we'll put together a hodge podge of care -- a sitter's going to come in one afternoon a week, etc. It means that for 8 months, my friends and family will be relied on from time to time and I'll be less available for a coffee break or a lunch date. It means that for 8 months I'm going to be juggling a lot of balls.

But, most importantly, it means that for 8 months, our child will be happy again.

It means that for 8 months, I get to spend a little extra time with my baby.”
 And apparently, it meant that for 8 months I wouldn’t write on this blog.

So here’s what happened in 8 months. It took a few weeks to find our groove of being together every afternoon and Alex slowly started to return to being that happy and easygoing child we once knew. She once again started eating, she became less clingy and she slowly came around to sleeping better as well.

After that, it took a village to get through the school year. As much as I said I’d scale back work, business was booming. And as I’ve said before, when you work on contract it’s hard to say no when business comes calling.

And so I have a lot of thank yous to pass around. Some days Alex and I had time to just hang out, and other days friends and family all came to my rescue when I was sinking in work and suffering from a severe lack of hours in the day. And some days, Ryan would come home from work a little early or take the kids out on the weekend for a few hours just so I could get back to work. Working full time with just two hours to yourself every day ain’t all it’s cracked up to be!

But because of the village, some days and weeks I got much more than two hours a day. And on the days and weeks that I didn’t need more than two hours to get the job done, I got to spend time with my baby. And, in a way, the two of us became partners. The one thing I hadn’t considered back in October, was that at 5 and a half years old, she ‘gets it’ when I say ‘mommy has work to do’. She rarely ever complained on the days that I had no additional care for her and after lunch I’d have to hole back up in my office for a couple of hours. She found something to do – which wasn’t always just sitting in front of the TV.

And sometimes, 'my partner' would sit and work with me. We'd print off worksheets from the Internet or simply get the craft bucket out. And while I sat with my laptop at the kitchen table, she worked away as well. 

And I discovered that I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with her. Not that I thought I wouldn’t but despite the stress, the constant time crunch and the feeling that I was always running to somewhere (or to pick someone up from school), I enjoyed this school year. I enjoyed having my baby home with me.

And so as the school year wraps up this week, it’s a bittersweet feeling. Gone forever will be my afternoons alone with Alexandra. Gone forever will be Kindergarten as she makes her way into the brave new world of Grade 1 in the fall. And although I’m looking forward to getting some me time back (and getting back to having more work hours in the day) – I’m also going to miss the company.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

And the solution to our impossible situation...

It's been a long month. From my last post, you all know that Alex was having trouble at her Montessori school.  (Quick recap: Alex's new French Immersion school is only half-day Kindergarten, unlike the full-day Kindergarten she went to last year. So to fill the gap, we registered her at a nearby Montessori school for the second half of the day.) Here's what's happened since.

The mornings before school continued to get worse, not better. Most mornings, she'd start crying and whimpering when she work up around 6:30 and would continue to do so until it turned into all out wailing at 8:30 when we got to school. That's until it turned into me having to drag her, screaming, through the school yard into school. Yes, I was that mom with that kid.

And again, we knew the only reason all this was happening was because she had to go to Montessori school. Not because she had to go to the new French Immersion school -- she likes it there  Why do we know? Because she didn't cry on Fridays -- the one day of the week that she didn't go to Montessori.

During a particular bad morning just before Thanksgiving weekend, I lay all the cards on the table; if she went to both schools for the rest of the week, she could come home after school the next week.

So last week was project boredom. Every day, she came home on the lunch bus after half-day Kindergarten to sit around the house with me while I worked. The goal was to show her that being with mommy isn't that much fun because mommy is sitting in front of her laptop all day long.

Project boredom failed miserably. Despite interacting with her as little as possible, she was happy. Every morning she ate her breakfast (something she had stopped doing weeks ago) and went to school without a single tear. Some mornings she even forgot to hug and kiss me goodbye. And every day she came home, had lunch with me and then found something to do.

Flash forward to yesterday (Monday) morning when it was time to go back to Montessori. On the weekend she said she was going to go back and although Ryan thought that her decision to do so was a good sign, I was more skeptical. I had this feeling that she was telling us what we wanted to hear, not what she really wanted to do.

And so, Monday morning came around and the bawling started, along with the chant 'I never, ever want to go back.'

And so, she's not. What it came down to is that we realized that we had to stop deluding ourselves into thinking that she needed more time to adjust (it's been 2 months after all!) and accept the fact that she's actually trying to tell us something. She's trying to tell us that although there's absolutely nothing wrong with the school, it's just not the right fit for her.

So, what does this all mean? For me, it means that for the next 8 months I have to be selective with the work I take on. Unlike 2 years ago when the kids were both in half-day school, I now work basically full-time. I have several retainer clients with a fixed number of hours of work per month. They'll be my priority and I'll have to be choosy about any contracts I take on above and beyond that. (Although there's certain people I'll still take contracts from.)

It means that for 8 months, I'll have to go back to working many evenings. It means that for 8 months, arranging meetings with clients will require creativity. It means that for 8 months, we'll put together a hodge podge of care -- a sitter's going to come in one afternoon a week, etc. It means that for 8 months, my friends and family will be relied on from time to time and I'll be less available for a coffee break or a lunch date. It means that for 8 months I'm going to be juggling a lot of balls.

But, most importantly, it means that for 8 months, our child will be happy again.

It means that for 8 months, I get to spend a little extra time with my baby.

And isn't that why, 5 years ago, I decided to stay home with the kids and start my own business? So that I could be there for my kids as they grow up? I have 20 + years left to work -- and if I'm lucky those 20+ years will be in running my own business. So what's 8 months in the grand scheme of things?

Friday, September 27, 2013

Our impossible situation

My 5-year-old daughter is putting us in an impossible situation. It's the 5th week of school and we're still stuck in the same place we were on day 1 - the crying place.

Our problem is this: last year at age 4 she started JK. And when she did so, she was one of the lucky (unlucky?) ones to go to an all-day kindergarten school. It was the first year of the program there and that's just the way it was. She cried a lot for the first few weeks - going to all day school was a huge adjustment for her as a child who, with the exception of a couple of hours of preschool a day, had never really been away from mommy.

And even with preschool, she cried for weeks. She suffers from separation anxiety, social anxiety or whatever you want to call it - she doesn't deal with change. And so, last year, once she got over crying, she liked school. And although I was told by her teacher that she occasionally still had 'I miss mommy' moments, we never really had a problem again.

Which brings us to this September. Alex changed schools this September to go to the French immersion school with her brother. You have to start in SKor you can't go through the system at all. We expected tears at the start - tears for the separation, tears for having to make all new friends.

The problem was that the SK school is only half-day kindergarten. So after being used to being in school all day, she suddenly had to go backwards. And me, who after spending a year building my workload up to full time, would have to scale it back to part time.

And so, Ryan and I decided to register her in a Montessori school for the other half day. It seemed like a perfect fit - I could work, she would still be around other kids and because it wasn't daycare, she'd still be learning and stimulated. And the woman who runs the school would pick her up at her French immersion school every day. How much easier could it get? And as a treat to Alex and me, Fridays would mean no Montessori school but instead come home to be with mommy.

It was a great plan on paper. But here's how, 4 weeks into school, it has worked out: Alex cries every morning. And I don't just mean as we get to school - most mornings it's from the moment she wakes up (which is anywhere from 1 to 1.5 hours earlier than usual lately) at first the crying was about school in general but now it's more focused. Now it's about Montessori school only. She doesn't want to have to go there. Here's the catch, she seems to like it when she's there, and her teacher there says she's doing fine and seems fine. But she doesn't want to go. She says her days are too long when she goes (they're the same length as her all-day kindergarten days give or take 15 minutes). She says it's too much work (which it's not).

What it comes down to is the transition of having 2 starts and 2 ends to every day is too much for her to handle. It's stressing her out, it's causing her anxiety, it's wearing her down. How do I know this? Because she doesn't cry before school on Fridays.

This is where the impossible situation comes in. I'm feeling incredibly guilty for sending her there. Someone (a social worker) suggested to me that she may be feeling feelings of abandonment. A sort of 'why doesn't mommy want me, why do I have to go here?' Yeah, that made me feel so much better.

So now I'm seriously wondering if I should pull her out of Montessori and just have her come home everyday. She's such a happy, easy going kid and she looses all of that when she even thinks about having to go there.

So I'm thinking of pulling her out. It's only one year, I can manage one kid in the afternoons while I also have a workload for one year, can't I? Will I regret it if I have her home every day and start losing my mind when works gets busy? Will we be teaching her that you can just give up when you have to do something you don't want to? Or will we be causing her long-term emotional harm my forcing her at 5 years old to basically 'suck it up buttercup'?

Isn't this one of the reasons I like what I do, so I can be flexible and be there for my kids? Do I really want to scale back my work after working so hard to build a successful business? And whats wrong with it if I did? Well I'd have to start saying no to some clients if the workload gets to difficult to handle.

It's a impossible situation without a good answer.

*Since I wrote this, Ryan and I had a long talk. We're going to stick it out until Thanksgiving and really talk to her and try to work her through this every day. We're wondering if it's not only the transition that's difficult for her but if it's actually the school work. Half-day kindergarten is definitely more of a sprint to get through the curriculum than full-day kindergarten is. And she's used to the more leisurely pace of learning. So now she's got the sprint learning in the morning, followed by more learning in the afternoon -- maybe sending her to montessori school wasn't the right idea after all.
I'll keep you posted.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Holy crap, I haven't posted in 3 months!

Um...I think I forgot about this blog. More to come

Friday, June 14, 2013

Memories captured: Our very first 5K

My kids have watched every race I've ever done. My first one was in October 2009 -- a 10K -- and at the time, Austin was 31/2 and Alexandra was 18 months.

My cheering squad with me after my very first race
Every time I decide to run a race, the kids make signs, stand on the sidelines and yell 'Go Mommy Go'.

At the starting line
Last year, as I was training for the half marathon, Austin decided that he wanted to try running with me. Shortly after that race was done, I figured 'what the heck' and took him out for a Sunday afternoon run. The kid ran 2 and a half kilometres!

And he was pumped about it. And so, we decided to run a 5K together. We trained together throughout the spring, although to be honest, we didn't train a whole lot. Once he got up to being able to do 5K, he figured all was well. And so, on Sunday June 9, we ran our very first 5K together.

I loved running beside him, encouraging him along and enjoying his awe at running along the streets in the downtown core ('Mommy, look up at the streetcar wires!')

And my amazing 7-year-old finished the race in 45:01. I'm so very proud of him for such an extraordinary accomplishment. Goodness knows when I was 7 years old, I couldn't run that far.
5KM completed!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Mother's Day 10K

It's been over two weeks since my last race and I still haven't written a race report. To be fair, things have been a little hectic around here.

On Sunday, May 12 -- Mother's Day -- I ran in the Sporting Life 10K down Yonge Street for Camp Ooch. This was my third time doing this race, and it's definitely my favourite course. It's just so much fun to run straight down Yonge Street.

This year, I set a goal of running a 10K faster than than last year -- actually I wanted to run a sub-65 minute race. But as the winter dragged on and on, and I felt extremely unmotivated to train, I believed that such a finish time just wasn't possible. I just didn't train enough to feel I could achieve that goal and as race day approached, I figured I'd be lucky if I could shave a minute off my best time (which was 1:09:37 by the way).

But on the morning of the race, I made a pact with myself. I decided that if I wasn't completely exhausted when I got to the end -- then I hadn't tried hard enough to go faster. I mean, what's the point of having energy in reserve at the finish line?

And so, at 8:30 a.m. on a rather chilly morning, I started out down Yonge Street with 27,000 of my closest friends. Apparently it was the largest charity race in Canada -- or something like that.Whatever it was, it's the first time I've participated in a race where it actually feels crowded. After the first kilometre or so, it spread out, but even then, you still had to be careful as you weaved around people and passing definitely involved an extra burst of speed.

I decided not to use my running app -- figuring the voice in my ear would just frustrate me if I wasn't at a pace I thought was acceptable -- and just decided to run and enjoy myself.

And I did. At the 1K mark I gave high-fives to my cheering squad. At the 5K mark I took a short walking break to have a drink. But I felt good and felt the need to keep moving on rather than resting. And so I did.

By 7K, my legs wanted to quit but I told myself to keep pushing on. By 8K my brain wanted to quit but I told myself to keep pushing on. I barely remember 9K -- I was too busy telling myself to keep pushing on.

About 500 metres to go
When I crossed the finish line, I was exhausted but didn't know my exact time. The clock at the finish line said 1:37 and change -- so since my corral started 30 minutes after gun time, I easily subtracted 30 minutes from that time and figured I finished around an hour and seven minutes.

I was pretty damn happy with that.

And then...about an hour later, I was finally able to log in and see my actual time -- 1:03:37!

I had shaved off exactly 6 minutes from my previous personal best time! I don't know how I pulled that off -- but the sore legs the next day proved to me that I did.

I was ecstatic and still am. That's probably the last time I'll run that specific 10K race (27,000 people was just too crowded for me) but there'll be other 10K races in my future. That personal best time motivated me to run again.

Now it's time to look forward to my 5K with Austin and to decide if I'm crazy enough to run the half marathon again this fall.

My cheering squad